Let me cut straight to the chase: if you don’t have a personal code—an airtight system to guide your decisions—you’re drifting. You might not feel it now, but the cracks will show. Burnout, bad relationships, misplaced careers, numbing behaviors… they all stem from one core issue: you’re reacting to life instead of creating it.
In this post, I’ll share the key concepts from my latest podcast episode where I break down the importance of a personal code, why so many men are stuck in a reactive loop, and how you can build a system that keeps you aligned with your purpose and values. This isn’t fluff—this is a practical framework that has transformed my life and the lives of my clients.
Why Most Men Are Stuck in Reaction Mode
Modern life is designed to keep you reactive. Social media notifications, endless work demands, societal expectations—it’s like living in a perpetual state of fight or flight. That reactive state leads to poor decisions. You chase the next shiny object, jump into relationships or careers that don’t serve you, and wonder why you feel disconnected from who you really are.
Here’s the truth: without a guiding framework, you’re a ship without a rudder. And that’s where a code comes in.
What Is a Personal Code?
A personal code is your decision-making GPS. It’s a system based on your core values that ensures every decision you make aligns with the life you’re trying to create. Without it, you’ll keep reacting to external pressures, missing the mark on what truly matters.
I learned this the hard way. From making destructive choices as a teenager to chasing money in a career that drained me, my lack of a code led me down paths that weren’t aligned with who I wanted to be. Now? Every decision I make is intentional, and it’s all because of the framework I’m about to share.
How to Build Your Personal Code
Step 1: Define Your Core Values
Start by identifying the nine core areas that matter most to you. Here’s my list as an example:
- Family – Relationships with my immediate and extended family.
- Love – Deep connection and romance with my partner.
- Community – The tribe of people who uplift and challenge me.
- Mission – The purpose-driven work I’m building in the world.
- Growth – My personal evolution and constant pursuit of learning.
- Freedom – Financial independence and the ability to live on my terms.
- Vitality – My physical health and energy levels.
- Adventure – Exploration, travel, and new experiences.
- Service – Giving back to something greater than myself.
Feel free to adapt these or create your own. The key is making them specific and deeply resonant.
Step 2: Use Your Values as a Decision-Making Framework
Think of your values as a tic-tac-toe grid. Whenever you’re faced with a decision, run it through your grid and see how it aligns. Here’s an example:
You’re offered a new business opportunity. Ask yourself:
- Will this support my family?
- Will it enhance my freedom or take it away?
- Will it contribute to my growth?
- Will it support my mission?
- Will it align with my service goals?
If more values are negatively impacted than positively, you know it’s not the right move. This process ensures every decision is rooted in intention, not reaction.
Step 3: Commit to Living By Your Code
Your code is useless if it’s just words on a page. Integrate it into your daily life:
- Review your values weekly.
- Use them to evaluate big decisions.
- Reflect on how aligned you feel with your code at the end of each day.
How to Apply This Framework Today
- Write Down Your Values: Take 30 minutes to define the 9 values that matter most to you. Use my list as a starting point if you need inspiration.
- Evaluate Your Current Life: Look at your career, relationships, and daily habits. Are they aligned with your values? If not, what needs to change?
- Run Your Next Decision Through Your Grid: Whether it’s a new project, relationship, or opportunity, use your code to guide your choice.
Conclusion: Live With Intention, Not Reaction
Here’s the bottom line: a man without a code is a man destined to drift. When you define your values and use them as your compass, you step into alignment with who you are and what you’re meant to create. Decisions become clearer, purpose becomes sharper, and the noise of the outside world fades.
I challenge you to take this seriously. Write down your values. Build your grid. Start making decisions that fuel the life you want—not the life others expect.
If this resonated with you, share it with another man who could benefit from building his code. We need more men living with intention and purpose.
Listen to the full episode of the Inbodied Performance Podcast here. Let’s get to work.
